


Holding On

by WincestMistress



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Character Death, Dark, Feels, Inspired by Art, M/M, Mark of Cain, Murder-Suicide, POV Sam Winchester, Post-Episode: s10e09 The Things We Left Behind, Sad Ending, Samulet, Wincest - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-23
Updated: 2015-02-23
Packaged: 2018-03-14 16:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,168
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3417728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WincestMistress/pseuds/WincestMistress
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>That little golden amulet was always there in the end; the priceless secret between the two brothers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> My artistic friend drew me a brilliant little sketch of the Winchesters holding hands, and then another- I just had to write a short story to go with them.  
> (If I've worked out how to embed images then the two drawings that inspired this story should be at the beginning and the very end.)

  
[Holding on](http://ashleigh1245.deviantart.com/art/Holding-on-472712226) by [ashleigh1245](http://ashleigh1245.deviantart.com/) on [DeviantArt](http://www.deviantart.com)

 

No one else knew, no one, but the amulet I'd given Dean when we were kids...the one he threw away- he'd kept it in the end. He never told anyone; not me, not Bobby, and definitely not Cas, but he picked that little golden idol back out of the motel bin, and he'd kept it.

I didn't know about it for years- not until that night when we'd first found ourselves to be more than brothers, when he nervously admitted as we sat in the Impala that he'd had a thing for me for a while. He'd been so worried, but he got out a tiny black bag from the glove compartment, the one that I'd noticed a hundred times but never opened it, and he showed me the necklace inside while explaining why he'd kept it. I must have looked pretty blank right then because I remember him just looping the string around his wrist a couple of times and getting out with a sad smile.  
"Dean?" I called, jumping out to catch up to him.  
"Sorry, Sam, but now you know," he laughed sadly, shaking his head as he turned to me, "I know it ain't right, but it's the truth, and now you know. I'll leave you alone; I can't keep holding on to you like this. Come on, man, we both know you're better off without me."  
He'd carried on walking then, meaning to leave me there for my own sake, but Dean...he wasn't always right.  
"Hey," I said softly, catching his hand in mine, "you can try to go, but I'm still holding on- I'm not gonna let go, Dean."  
He'd let out a quiet chuckle at that, finally stopping and looking at me with tired, unbelieving eyes that widened in surprise as I kissed him, our hands still linked with the amulet hanging between us.  
That night we'd curled up together in the back of the car, and it felt like even with all the crap we'd gone through, things were gonna be okay.

We were pretty off and on through the years with everything that happened; whether we were too busy fighting off archangels or leviathan, or Dean was stuck in purgatory with Castiel- and with the shit he'd pulled with Gadreel I'd broken it off again for quite a while myself. But, in the end, when I'd gotten him back from his demonic side, it was just us again, and it was great; it felt like coming home. Still, whatever happened, that amulet was our secret- that was ours, and we were still holding on to it after everything we'd been through.

 


	2. Chapter 2

I knew he'd done it- how could I not? He lied all the fucking time, and he was awful at it; I could read him like the lines of Latin I read every day, but I'd stopped calling him out on it no matter the importance- it only made things worse when he was caught. But this...this- why? No, I knew why; he didn't want to be a monster- hell, I'd been something of a monster before and I'd never want to again, but this was just...damn.

He'd asked Cas to kill him if he went dark again, and since things never stayed sunny for us, he did, ending up soaked in human blood. As I'd stared into his eyes, holding his head up desperately, I could remember that same look when he'd woken up next to me that morning; the fear and confusion the Mark caused within those deep emeralds, but he'd brushed it off and buried his face in my chest. I wished that all of our problems could have been solved like that.

The next day, Castiel ended my brother's life. He hadn't meant to do it in front of me, as far as I know, but I was right there. They were talking for a moment, and then Dean suddenly got violent- he drew his gun on the guy, shot him, and actually growled at the angel, who'd let out a long, mournful sigh and put his hand to my brother's forehead with a quiet apology, smiting him for good. That was the second angel-kill that had been seared into my memory, that I saw every time I closed my eyes. I'd howled and screamed as I caught Dean's body, still warm as he let out his last breath, lying limp in my arms. The angel was nowhere to be seen after that; hell of a time to get his fucking wings back. It was just me and my lifeless brother; I felt the necklace slip out of his pocket and into my trembling hand when I'd rested my head on his chest. That was meant to be us, forever.

After a couple of hours- the time I'd spent laying Dean down on our bed and working out what to do, I called him; the one that had taken Dean away from me.  
"Sam, I-" he'd started hesitantly when he appeared with a ruffle of feathers, but became silent when the tears of sadness, anger, pain, had slipped down my cheeks as I grabbed his shirt and held on to him. He didn't say it, but I could feel it- he was so, so impossibly sorry. He hated himself as much as I did; he probably knew what he'd taken away from me, but I didn't let him see what I had held so tightly in my hand- no one else got to see that. He didn't look surprised when I drew the angel blade from the back of my jeans, he only looked sad and as though he deserved it when I stood back and slashed the cool metal across his throat, then plunged it into his chest, watching his eyes glow as he died. My hands were red with angel blood, the second body of that day lying on the ground with large black wings of ash splayed across the floor. Gripping the necklace harder by just the string, I dropped the weapon and left, ending up back in the bedroom at my brother's side.

"I'm so sorry, Dean," I whispered, stroking the back of his hand once more before I stood; my gun in one hand, our amulet in the other. This was all I had left, all I had to do- I'd lost Dean and killed Cas; all that was left was me, and the secret that hung in my blood-splattered hand. With one last gaze at Dean and a long sigh, I closed my eyes, aligning the barrel of the gun to my head, and let the necklace slip from my fingertips. I timed the pull of the trigger to the sound of the amulet hitting the floor. My last thought was the hope that I'd end up with Dean again, and that our secret could be there with us.

  
[The Loss of a Brother](http://ashleigh1245.deviantart.com/art/The-Loss-of-a-Brother-515895963) by [ashleigh1245](http://ashleigh1245.deviantart.com/) on [DeviantArt](http://www.deviantart.com)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This second piece of art broke my heart- in a good way, which was what led to the story ending this way.
> 
> I spent quite a while deciding whether or not to post this due to loopholes regarding Cas' wings and such, but I gave in and finally did, so let me know what you think.  
> Thanks for reading.


End file.
